I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
