Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
