Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
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