Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
