It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
