New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
