Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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