I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Randomize
