after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Randomize
