You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
When are your genitals available?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Randomize
