I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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