Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
