Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
