Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
