Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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