very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
we should paint friendship bongs
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