take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
