it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
you would pick up someone in the library
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
