Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
