they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
