i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
