you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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