im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
