Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
