I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
