He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
i think i have herpe
just one?
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
