he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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