There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
