I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
