Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
