I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
being pregnant is like rehab
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
