After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I just sucked dick on a ferry
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
