I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I wish i was in the wii world.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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