I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
