So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
so let's talk penis.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
