bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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