she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
