Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
