so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
