i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
