I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
