hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
