My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
