Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
