Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
