I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
