I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
