Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize