vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
