Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
