It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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