I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
This is my life. Enjoy the view
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
