Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I just gargled with NyQuil
Randomize
