Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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