I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
i drank out of a bidet.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
