In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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