Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
