I'd wear matching sweaters with you
He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
